Turns out he loves me not, he’s the last petal on the flower….
I’ve been told I’m being selfish; Insinuated that I’m satisfying my own personal vendetta and that I’m taking actions for no one but myself.
I’m dealing with what feels like a hungry pack of care-free idiots except it’s just one with a magnitude of many.
Today, I was carrying matheson down the stairs because he wanted to come with me to get his milk. I had slippery socks, and with limited friction on hard wood steps, six steps away from the tiled foyer, I slipped. I slipped with matheson in my arms.
Instinctively I threw myself backwards to prevent matheson from feeling the blunt impact of the fall and I clung to him with my dear life.
However, at 80 lbs, carrying a 36 lbs boy, his weight was too much for me to contain and by the last step, where my arm caught something nasty on the way down, my arm jutted out and he landed on the ground. Luckily enough i held on to him long enough so that instead of falling out of my arms, he just rolled off my body landing away from the tile and COMPLETELY unharmed. He cried because he was scared, but despite having banged up the entire right side of my body, I immediately threw myself over Matheson to cradle him and made sure his neck and spine were still fully intact before holding him. I couldn’t pick him up because I was in so much pain, but I held him for as long as I could until my brother was able to pick him up. I felt like such an idiot for slipping and falling down the stairs with my son in my arms. Then I thought about it, I thought about it and I realized.. I held on to him with my dear life and on the way down all I could think of was “don’t let go, czar, don’t you dare let go” and I didn’t let go. I held on. Even when he rolled off my body and onto the floor, I had already stopped falling, I was already on the last step and the only reason why he rolled off was because my arm hit on a rough angle and at half my body weight, he was too much for my arm to hold with the impact. Then despite the remarkable amount of pain you feel when you fall 6 steps with 36 pounds on your chest, I still threw myself over him to make sure he was okay, and even then I couldn’t let go.
I wasn’t thinking about me, at all. I was thinking about our son. I couldn’t care if anything happened to me, I ran for matheson anyway. He was the first and ONLY thought on my mind.
It really bothered me when you told me I was doing this for myself and not for matheson. Then I realized, who the hell are you anyway to tell me that I care only about myself and not at all about my own son?
You’re an idiot.
I’ve made sacrifices on your behalf for matheson, I’ve made sacrifices BECAUSE of the shit you put us through, just for matheson.
Don’t you dare tell me that the decisions I make are selfish and only for myself just because YOU’RE the one who gets hurt from them. You sorry son of a…..
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