He’s so beautiful.
Either I have one of the most brilliant little boys ever or there’s some intense bond between Matheson and I that allows us to understand each other so well, but today proved to be one of the most incredibly emotional experiences I’ve ever had with my son.
Today, as I was having my nap, Matheson wasn’t tired, yet lay beside me in our bed. He let me sleep for three hours while playing with my hands, not saying a word and he sang me to sleep with “shake me down” by Cage the Elephant. I’ve been sick all week and I simply couldn’t stay awake, but I thought he would wake me up. He didn’t he just sang, for three hours, because when I woke up, he was still singing.
When I was awake I started singing with him but then he stopped and Matheson said to me, “Mama, why are you sad?” I said, “I don’t know baby, I don’t think I’m sad.” Of course, he smiled his beautiful smile at me and said “I love you so much, mama, you’ll always have my heart.” I was so surprised by the very words that came from his mouth that I just opened mine in awe, speechless. He proceeded to say, “I know it’s scary, but it’s okay to be sad, mama. You will always have my heart.”
I couldn’t help but cry because of it, and he put his ear to my chest, over my heart, and said “I can hear my heart beat inside there, mama, it’s mine! See, I told you, I can hear it! You have my heart!”
It was beautiful. I know it’s not physically possible for me to have his heart, but it was beautiful.
I’ve always known my son to be smart and really quite brilliant, but for a two year old to have such emotionally in depth perceptions goes beyond me entirely. I’m still trying to grasp it as I’m sitting beside this very same two year old watch the Care Bears right now, and I just don’t get it.
The weirdest part about the whole thing, was that when I cried, he cried too, he held my hand, I squeezed his and he said, “I’ll never let go.”
It was something a parent says to their kid, not what their kid (especially not their two year old) says to their parent. I’m baffled, I’m confused, I’m impressed, but I’m scared. I know I tell him all the time that I love him, that I care about him, that he’s my number one, that I’ll never let go, and that everything will be okay no matter what, but never in my life did I believe he would, at this age, say those words to me. I haven’t exaggerated any of what he said, he said those exact words to me and I’ve written them out verbatim.
I’ll never forget this day and the things he said to me. I don’t really know why he said it, maybe he feels what I feel or senses it at least, but I never showed him any bit of emotion other than love since we got back from our trip.
Regardless, with his nearly flawless grammar, perfect use of syntax and diction, it’s only fair to say that he truly is so beautiful.
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